Art Direct Your Life: How to Win Instagram
By Kelyn Dylan-Alyn, Creative Director of
Kelyn Dylan-Alyn Creative Consultantcy LLC
As a Creative Director, I possess an uncompromising vision for high-end living in the twenty-first century and it’s important to cultivate this identity at all times. So it should come as no surprise that I’m a kind of a big deal on Instagram.
Many of my clients ask me how to increase their Instagram footprint, so I came up with these exclusive guidelines that, if followed correctly, will increase your followers and should make everyone outside of your exclusive circle of friends feel like rachet losers.
And isn’t that the whole point?
Step 1: Delete your current account.
That’s right. All of it. Gone.
I know it sounds extreme but, like the hero at the beginning of a mystical journey, in order to become an Instagram god, you must cast off your old, less stylish identity so that you can re-emerge transformed like a fashionable phoenix from the flames of mediocrity.
My many years as a Creative Director have taught me your Instagram feed isn’t about your actual day to day life but, rather, your aspirational life. Your photos should reflect a luxurious life filled with success and popularity. In other words, no one wants to see photos of the Monte Cristo sandwich you ate at The Cheesecake Factory three years ago.
Step 2: Compose A Dynamic Profile Description
Now that you have a blank slate, it’s time to start building your identity from a solid foundation which is your profile biography and photo.
First of all, make sure to include your first, middle and last name and put a hypen in there somewhere. And, of course, make sure to describe yourself as a Creative Director.
Don’t make any mention of a husband, wife or romantic partner or your sexual preferences. This will create mystery and force visitors to go searching your photos for clues and, in the process, they’ll start to think they might have a shot at having sex with you.
Don’t list where you live either. You’re a citizen of the world now and your Instagram account should reflect a life of effortless freedom and suggest that, at any moment, you could fly off to Vienna, Paris, Milan.
As for the bio photo? Two words: shirtless.
Step 3: Decide On a Photo Concept
Instagram isn’t for just any photo. You must decide on an overall design concept. Basically, you want your life as a Creative Director to resemble a photo spread from Vogue or Architectural Digest. This means only horizontal or vertical orientation. No squares. And the same borders and filter for each photo. NO EXCEPTIONS. Also, use complimentary, muted colors at all times. The key here is consistency. Think of yourself as the bouncer of an exclusive club and only the most tasteful and beautiful objects, locations and people will be admitted.
Step 4: Self Portraits
Notice I said self-portraits and not “selfies.” That’s right. NO SELFIES. Why? Selfies are basic. They suggest a DIY lifestyle that is achievable by anyone. And you’re not just anyone. You’re special. You’re successful enough to have talented friends who will take tasteful photos of you that are beautifully composed and lit.
Step 5: Your Friends
Naturally, it follows that your friends should be just as refined and beautiful as you. In other words, no uggos. You only have beautiful, multi-racial friends now who you visit in exotic locations or chic, exclusive urban locations like your home in the hills. Priority should be given to shirtless portraits on tropical beaches or swimming pools.
Follow these rules and you’re sure to see an exponential increase in likes and followers.
And that’s just a small taste of the kind of guidance I can provide as a Creative Director. If you’d like a private consultation with my firm, please visit me between my shifts at the Starbucks located in the VONS strip mall in West Hollywood.