12 Tips for Homosexuals Visiting Mississippi

Sponsored by Mississippi’s Tourist Bureau

You may have heard a lot of misinformation today about a new law in Mississippi that protects our businesses and state employees from providing services to gay people. But the fact is, gays, lesbians and transgender people are absolutely welcome to visit our state. Just follow these simple tips and soon (hopefully very soon) you’ll leave knowing Mississippi welcomes everyone as long as we don’t know you’re gay! We’re not called The Hospitality State for nothing!

  1. Before you leave, ask yourself “Do I absolutely have to go to Mississippi?” If the answer is still “Yes,” consider spending half as much time here as you originally intended. Quick day trips with minimal human interactions are a great way to experience Mississippi!

  2. If you insist on coming, make sure to leave any items behind that might identify you as gay such as rainbow flags, Robert Mapplethorpe photos or tasteful clothing.

  3. While here, don’t use vocabulary above a third grade level and avoid descriptive terms for our state such as “fabulous,” “gorgeous” and “open-minded.”

  4. Avoid having intercourse with your same sex partner in public.

  5. Here’s a fashion tip for the guys: upon arrival, purchase a t-shirt that features the name of a local sports team, but under no circumstances should you ask an employee if the shirt comes in a cotton/poly blend.

  6. Ladies, wear dresses, preferably with floral designs. Avoid pants, bold patterns or shirts featuring lesbian icons such as the Indigo Girls or Hillary Clinton.

  7. When attending theatre performances or fine arts events, always keep an empty seat between you and your same sex partner. Better yet, don’t attend any theatre performances or fine arts events.

  8. Two words: domestic beer only.

  9. When ordering food, don’t inquire about vegetarian or vegan options and under no circumstances should you ask for substitutions.

  10. As for our transgender guests, dress appropriately for your biological gender and, for the safety of our children, do not use any bathrooms while you’re in our state – private or public.

  11. If you insist on staying in the same hotel room as your same sex partner, be sure to get a room with two beds and enter the hotel and elevators at least five minutes apart so that your implied homosexuality doesn’t make the other guests uncomfortable.

  12. Don’t order cakes with or without any kind of decoration. The same goes for cupcakes, tarts and donuts. Sprinkles should be avoided, either rainbow or any other kind.

Enjoy your stay, but don’t enjoy it enough to come back!

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